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Selected
Articles ::
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Detached
Detachment ::
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Attachment means joined,
fastened, cemented, glued, attributed, seized or bound
to. When used with reference to human beings, it does
not indicate a physical condition but a strong mental
relationship. When a person is attached to his mother,
wife, son, house, car or profession, it is not a
physical bonding. It is a mental process. It means that
he continues to desire and long for the possession and
control over objects or persons that he is attached to.
Attachment is a process of mind.
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Objects have no built-in
magnetism in them. They neither attract nor do they get
attracted on their own. When a person’s senses contact
any object and his mind starts craving for the enjoyment
of its possession, then the thoughts and the magnetism
start. A cigarette or a bottle of wine has different
value to different people depending on their personal
application of mind to that object. Thoughts have a
knack of repeating themselves and multiplying in the
mind. Repeated thoughts of wanting an object intensifies
the desires and generates craving to possess. |
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If the objects are
acquired and possessed, then the desire to hoard and
protect takes over, if the objects are not within
reach or cannot be acquired due to any reason, then
the craving for them usually becomes intense and at
times it hurts. The objects overpower a man’s mind
and make him constantly feel inadequate.
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With some minor
variations, a person’s attachment to another person
is similar except that the other person also has own
mind and will. A person’s birth brings along certain
relationships like father, mother, brothers, sisters
etc. Attachment with relatives is easy and natural
but optional, when a person takes fancy and liking
to another outsider either for friendship,
companionship or for marriage and the other person
is not easily reachable or agreeable, the attachment
usually gets very intense and every failure results
in increased frustration. In certain cases, a person
facing such frustrations suffers untold miseries.
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However, after the
relationships are established, people get very
strongly attached and become selfish and
possessive towards certain person/s. Whenever
any obstacle comes in between a person and the
object or the person longed for, irritation and
anger arise in the mind. Stronger the obstacle,
higher becomes the intensity of anger.
Uncontrolled and head turning anger creates
hallucination and delusion in the mind.
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A person’s capacity
and ability to see or hear things as they are, is
greatly hampered. He starts seeing and hearing
things that do not exist. The vision becomes
coloured. Temporary loss of wisdom and judgment soon
follows. A man without the faculty of balanced
judgment and intellectual discrimination is worse
than an animal. Attachment to near and dear ones
especially the spouse leads to a heightened sense of
possession, fear, anxiety, worry and selfishness. It
results in the downfall of a person. Greater the
intensity of attachment, greater is the risk of
fall.
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However, if
attachment is coupled with detachment, then it
leads to love, care, concern and protection.
Detached attachment is positive and a selfless
approach to relationships and makes a person
fulfilled. When a person is attached to his son and
the son falls sick, he gets into the fear of losing
the son and it makes him sad and unstable. Instead
of organizing medical help, his mind gets confused,
if he is in a detached attachment mode, he stays
calm and balanced and acts to organize what it
takes. His immediate concern is for the welfare of
his son and it makes him seek ways to comfort and
help him. This is the most ideal approach to help
his son to recover faster than all worrying and
tensions that the attachment can bring forth.
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Attachments and Expectations :: |
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Attachment to any
object or person necessarily causes
expectation of the enjoyment that its
possession will result’ when the expectations
are belied and the object or person fails to
live up to the expected enjoyment, the result is
great disappointment and sorrow. Balanced within
and remaining detached towards all external
stimuli – people, incidents and happenings are
the key to energizing joy.
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Detached attachment is
about positivity in the quality of thoughts in mind.
It is not escapism or indifference to the problems
of this world. It is becoming sensitive to the
feelings, emotions and sufferings of others with a
mind full of selfless love, compassion and kindness.
It is being compassionate and fully committed to
helping others. It is about remaining continuously
joyful and peaceful and spreading such positive
vibrations to those around. It is about remaining
happy in-spite of events not being to our liking.
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Detachment is the Key :: |
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Even small things
do generally affect our state of mind. We get a
bit upset when our loved one does not care for
our feelings, when we do not get invited to a
party hosted by our dear friend or a colleague
gets promoted and we are left out. However, this
should only be a short-lived phase. We should
soon recover and become happy in spite of all
such small and even big things. Happiness is
really a state of mind. If we can be detached to
the events and happenings outside, then any such
event will fail to affect us. We certainly
cannot change the external circumstances but we
can change our attitude to what happens inside
us – our feelings, our emotions and our
attitudes. |
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These
are and should be within our total control. The
outstanding example of clinging attachment is seen
between misguided couples who frequently seek each
other for the convenience they can provide. There is
less love but more possession. Spouses who cannot
trust each other or tolerate their temporary
separation exhibit selfishness and inflated personal
ego. A mother may be so attached and possessive of
her son that she does not let her son go away from
her for higher studies. She may even obstruct his
grown up son’s companionship with friends. Such a
mother hinders the independent growth of her son.
She provides protection beyond limits and in fact
makes her son totally dependent on her for every
thing thus rendering him incapable of any
independent activity or power of decision-making.
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The best example
of a detached attachment is that of a nurse with
patients under her care. Unperturbed both in
success and failure of the line of treatment
being given to the patient, she brings forth her
total dedication and commitment to her job.
While administrating a dose of medicine to a
patient, she is not affected by the pleasure or
pain that is immediately caused. She neither
carries any personal ego when a patient in her
care gets cured nor does she entertain any guilt
when any patient dies. She employs the full
vitality of her body, beauty of heart and purity
of intellect into her relentless efforts.
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When any person
operates from a state of detached attachment, he
rises to unbelievable heights in personal spiritual
growth and gathers a higher stature and confidence
within. He usually attains supreme state of peace
and tranquility. |
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